DABCIAN Rhapsody

Narrator:

Are you internists?

Or are you just spinal docs.

What does the law say?

Speaking politically (?)

Open your eyes

Look into your scope you’ll see.

 

Doctor:

I like diagnosis. I assess pathology

Your PCOS you see 

Has a sugar impaired etiology

Anyway you slice it, carbs are total poison to thee… to thee. 

 

Nurse:

Doctor, your patient’s here

Her labs are entered in

You should check her BUN

 

Patient:

Doctor, life is just no fun

My stomach hurts and I throw up all the day.

 

Doctor:

Patient (others “oooo” in background)

Right now I don’t know why

If the labs aren’t back again this time tomorrow

Carry on, carry on…by then your stools will splatter.

 

Patient:

Too late. My temp is up.

I get shivers down my spine, 

My body’s aching all the time.

Abdominal cramping, then I've got to go.

Crapped 47 times, my butt’s so sore. 

 

Doctor, Patient, and Audience oooooo 

 

Doctor:

Based on what I know

I think you've got some funky little bugs in there.

 

Doctor

I see little silhouetto on your scan 

It’s a tumor or a cyst or maybe some bowel gas

 

Patient

I am not delighting its very very frightening to me

 

Doctor: What I sayo

Patient: What you sayo?

Doctor: What I sayo

Patient: What you sayo? Should I take some Pepto

Doctor: Take Pepto??

 

Patient: I’m just a poor guy/gal I can’t afford much.

Nurse: He’s just a poor guy/gal with terrible coverage.

Patient: I’m not real sure ... I think I have to leave.

Doctor: Wait here please, don’t you go, I say you have SIBO

Patient: How can I? No, I think it’s not SIBO

Doctor: It’s SIBO!!

Patient: How can I? No, I think it’s not SIBO

Doctor: It’s SIBO!!

Patient: How can I? No, I think it’s not SIBO

Doctor: It’s SIBO!!

Patient: it’s not SIBO

Doctor: It’s SIBO!!

Patient: it’s not SIBO

Patient: Oh oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no.  Oh Doctor please, help me please, my stomach hurts me so

 

Doctor:  Believe me now. You got some overgrowth right here, right here, and right here

 

(guitar solo)

 

Doctor: So I think for the yeast here’s dysbiocide

And to heal the gut l-glutamine’s fine.

Oh, patient can you take this stuff patient?

Now just get dressed and get right outta here. 

 

(Audience) ooo  yeah, ooo yeah

 

Narrator
Here’s what really matters

as you can clearly see.

Patients’ stools might splatter

Just help and treat them effectively.

Even if insurance pays (make zeroes with hands)